Damn! Those were days of courage.

We were young and riding dreams
like we had nothing to lose
Nothing to choose, man
I could’ve been nowhere
if I’d wanted to.
It was dead easy.

We made friends in the absence of reasons not to
Our worlds were as wide as our imaginations

I lived a thousand lives
Renegotiated my existence with pride.
We were doomed and alive
to spread the word
but we never believed
in our mortality,
not really.


We thought we had miles to run
before our legs would give out

You were sixteen running straight
into brick walls and locked rooms

It never felt like losing you
but something must’ve been lost

In the confusion
you came back
only half the boy
that I once trusted

You gambled with destruction
Weighing options like justice

With a blind eye
and both hands occupied

Flight or flight

Window or gun
Hit or run

You had one foot out the door on your best days
and on your worst days it was a fist

You were my brother,
going crazy.
I was your sister,
science and poetry.

We couldn’t have been more different if we tried

Behind every raised voice was a lullaby
that I chose to listen to
I will sing them to your daughter
so she makes memories like riddles

Doesn’t it bother you
she might one day
wonder whether
you love her

When you burned down bridges
over those same questions
when you were younger


Will he still be there when I grow up?
Am I ever enough?
Who do children pray to if not a god?
And the answers have always been there
They pray to mothers and fathers and parents
Just like gods they might not listen,

They might not exist
except in the eyes
of the ones they created

I don’t hate you
But she, she is sunshine.
And one day she will be the sun

I hope you stayed in school
long enough to learn
that the world doesn’t revolve
around you anymore

Boy that breaks my heart
more often than any other
don’t break hers too.

You were not responsible for me, but she
She is your child

and she is your sun
and she will burn out if you let her
Don’t you remember
the moments right after
Tiny fingers
barely holding on to life

She could’ve been dead
before she even got to smile
doesn’t that smile
make your heart jump

You are not a child, anymore.
I know this wasn’t how you thought
it was gonna go
You’ve always made plans
like promises you intended on breaking
Don’t let her heart be another
broken promise in the making

This is for you
brother who was going crazy

for the things we weren’t supposed to say
but now, above all, this is for your daughter

Who will grow up with a father who went crazy
and never returned home,
not really

I don’t hate you
And I forgave you a long time ago

You better pray she does the same


by Bibi June


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